Emotions can be messy and even confusing during difficult times. As believers, we know we ought to be strong in our faith, experience the peace that passes understanding, and be joyful, no matter our circumstances. The coronavirus pandemic and its sometimes frightening consequences continue to be a real challenge to our faith. We’ve been encouraged to focus on the Lord and on his Word, to praise and worship him and to reach out to others. We are told we must overcome negative emotions and trust the Lord. This is right and true but it is not always easy. In our heads, we know that God is far greater than any threat, that he is good and that nothing is impossible with him. But sometimes it feels like fear, anxiety, anger, or confusion sink their teeth into us and just won’t let go. And if we’ve been dealing with such emotions previously, trials only heighten those emotions.
It is not more healthy or spiritual if we ignore those feelings and gloss over them by telling ourselves we should just look to God and praise and worship him and then we will be happy campers. Those emotions won’t go away permanently if their root cause is not addressed, if we do not pour out our hearts to our Daddy God in humility and honesty. “Stuffing” will only cause those feelings to fester. We need to go to Abba, for he knows all things. His shoulders are broad enough to take our pain and anger. He is gracious and kind and he is the healer of our hearts, the one who sent his Son to cleanse us from all sin and make us into new creations. He wants us emptied of any darkness or hurt so that we can truly praise Him from a healed heart.
I experienced this very thing just the other day. I’ve dealt with anger and control over the past number of years and the various consequences of this coronavirus pandemic just made things worse. Granted, one or two of the irritations were petty and I overreacted, but I was still fuming. And granted I am “blessed” with a temperament that emotes three times more intensely than other personalities but I was seriously struggling. On this particular day, I’d been trying to focus on God’s goodness during my devotional time, trying to keep a right attitude and engage in praise and worship.
I finally realized the “yuck” in my heart was blocking any good all the positivity should do. I fell facedown on the floor crying out, “God, I can’t. I just cannot worship you right now because I am so very, very angry. I am furious.” I told God that I wanted to be who and what I should be, I wanted to look to him, but I couldn’t be a hypocrite, could not pretend everything was fine when it wasn’t. I was done stuffing, trying to be a good little Christian girl. I poured out my rage and my hurt. I told him every detail. If I had been alone in the house, I would have screamed. I would have howled. Instead, I “whisper screamed” and sobbed, my nose running like a faucet. This was not self-pity but a needed cleansing. And the calm and ability to really worship with a clear spirit came after the storm.
I am not kidding myself and thinking I won’t deal with more anger and bitterness, more need to control, but I know I can’t “stuff the stuff.” And I won’t pretend to others like I’ve got it all together. More than ever, we as Christians today can’t afford the masks (except for the material ones to keep out the virus bug). The lost around us need to know that though we are frail and faulty human beings, there is One, and only One who is the anchor in the most savage of storms. He alone can take us unscathed through the fires of adversity and bring us into his eternal, glorious kingdom, victorious and filled with joy indescribable.
We may become fearful, angry, confused, etc during trials in our lives. That’s okay. But it’s what we do with those emotions and if we allow them to affect our decisions, our reactions, and our relationships, that is important. Will we ignore them? Pretend we are good Christians who have it all together? Or are we going to be honest and vulnerable before God and others and find cleansing and healing? God’s heart is big enough to hold us and he knows that once we at least begin to honestly deal with our pain and its roots, we can then “forget what is behind” and move forward into what he has for us. until we “deal with it.”
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