We all have friends who babble on endlessly about themselves and their lives. They might ask about us and let us talk for a few minutes. Then they’re off again like Seabiscuit on a winning streak. Or maybe we’re the one wagging our jaws non-stop, failing to see that our friend’s eyes have glazed over and he’s glancing repeatedly at his watch (or cell phone.)
The other side of the coin is even more disconcerting. As we share our heart with someone, their gaze keeps wandering. We want to ask, “Are you really listening to me or should we meet later at a place with fewer distractions?”
How many times have we encountered someone who looks us straight in the eye as if to say, “You are important to me. You are worth getting to know and I am ready to give you my undivided attention. You can share whatever you want and I will accept you and not judge you.”
Such is a rare occurrence indeed in this self-absorbed, pleasure-hungry, hurried world we live in. Many of us are too occupied with our own needs, opinions, and schedules to really immerse ourselves in the lives of others. The result is an epidemic of loneliness. We feel like drifters in a desert of emotional and relational dryness and distance. Does anyone really care? Is all this really worth it?
But when we lay aside our own self-interest and value the other person enough to plumb the depths of who they are and hear their heart, we find real connection that satisfies the drought in our spirits. Our frenzied world, caught up in its cheap baubles and fleeting joys, can’t begin to measure up.
The desire to know and be fully known is God-given. In his wonderful book, “Minding Your Emotions,” Christian counselor Steve Shores says that all of us have two basic longings: To make a lasting, positive contribution to the world, and to form emotionally fulfilling connections with others. We long to have the other person’s heart, mind and spirit engage fully with ours–to look into their eyes and see that spark that says, “You are more important to me right now than anything else. You are precious and valuable. You matter.”
But what do we do when we can’t seem to find another human being to connect with in this way? In our broken world, nothing works according to original design. That includes relationships. Sometimes we manage a pretty good model of the love and unity Christ meant for us to have. But it is never the perfection intended for us before sin entered the world. And our “pretty good model” is all too vulnerable to the ravages of the flesh.
Is there any one person in the whole universe who really listens to us? Our heavenly father does. He may seem like he
is a million miles away. Our words might feel like they go only so high and then fall back onto our faces. Yet he is listening, I mean REALLY LISTENING. He sees our hearts like no human being ever can–which is scary if we are trying to hide something, but very comforting if we aren’t.
Psalms 139: 1-4 says, “O Lord, You have searched me and known me.2 You know []when I sit down and when I rise up;
You understand my thought from afar.3 You scrutinize my path and my lying down, And are intimately acquainted with all my ways.4 Even before there is a word on my tongue, Behold, O Lord, You know it all.” (NASB)
God will never bend our ears with a litany of useless, repetitive details or prolonged, accounts of his accomplishments and daily activities. Instead, he will give us his unfaltering attention.
He can handle our confusion, our questions, fears, anger, and everything else we throw at Him. His shoulders are broad and strong enough. His heart towards us is immense, his wisdom is perfect and his ego secure. He will listen as long as we want to talk, he reserves judgment shows mercy and gives wisdom that is beyond reproach. He delights in our presence. His heart beats with passionate joy when we come to him and pour out our hearts before him. He hangs on our every word, longing to render aid. We are infinitely valuable and precious to Him.
But the other side of the relationship coin applies here as well. We must not stay in our self-focused state. Isaiah 26:3 says, “You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.” NKJV. The writers of the psalms often laid it all out to God but then praised Him for His faithfulness and goodness. They declared their trust that He would come through for them. And they talked of waiting for God, of listening for His voice, of giving their Maker their full attention. “My soul waits in silence for God only; From Him is my salvation.” Psalms 62:1 NASB
There are many enemies of the unity and unconditional love the Lord Jesus intends for us to share with each other. The world doesn’t spare our fragile egos and battered hearts. It has many ways of making us feel unimportant, unnoticed and undesirable. Our relationships are often a clumsy waltz between attempting to satisfy our own needs and taking stabs in the dark at meeting those of others.
We can always run to the one who has conquered the world for us and handed us the victory. Our Lord finds us utterly delightful and infinitely valuable. He empowers us to connect and make an impact in ways we could never have dreamed possible. Our needs can never fully be met by another human being. But we can revel in the one who can–and who always will.
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