*Names have been changed and facts generalized to protect privacy of individuals mentioned in this blog.
Most of us have heard the old admonition that the things that bug us the most in others are often what we are guilty of in our own lives. When we are thrown together into close, daily contact with the same individuals, we begin to see, reflections of our own weaknesses and besetting sins.
I work with three mentally challenged ladies. *Margaret, Elena and Sheila are high functioning but still need the structured environment of a group home setting. They each have their unique personalities and issues.
Elena is our super-sensitive drama queen and in her I see my own tendency to over-react, obsess, think the worst and dislike interpersonal conflict. Perhaps I enjoy her the most because, like myself, her sensitivity makes her funny, joyful, tenderhearted, and cooperative. She likes to say, “I love God, I love people, I love animals and I love myself.” In her, I also see amplified examples of the absurdity of human behavior. At times she will get impatient with an inanimate object which has absolutely no mind or will of its own–like the van when the sliding door doesn’t close on first shove. “Come on, wehicle (vehicle),” is a common Elena phrase.
Things malfunction and plans go awry. Life doesn’t always “cooperate.” But sometimes it is because we were careless, impatient or selfish. Our human tendency is to put blame anywhere but on ourselves, no matter how illogical or silly.
Then there’s Margaret. Margaret pushes my buttons. Her besetting sins have the potential to bring her harm both physically and spiritually. We’ve talked to her repeatedly, reminding her that everything we ask her to do is only for her good. But there is no lasting remorse, no apparent understanding of the seriousness of what she is doing. I can’t help thinking of the chronically rebellious Israelites of ancient times. Like Margaret, God’s chosen people down through the generations, decided their way was better than their Maker’s loving commands. Their sin and disobedience led them down the path to inevitable judgement and destruction.
During these times of spiritual and moral insanity, Jehovah God sent His righteous prophets to them again and again but the warnings just didn’t sink in. Their hearts were hard, their skulls thick and they deliberately turned blind eyes and deaf ears to the one Who took them from “nobody” status and planned to make them the bloodline of the Redeemer.
Sheila is the oldest of three children and was born with Down Syndrome. She loves hugs, has a marvelous sense of humor and if you can make her to laugh, you can often get her to do what you want. I’ve been flummoxed by Sheila’s tendency to get disgusted with the person who takes the last bit of fixings on the communal “fixin’s” plate on burger night or the last bit of orange juice in the pitcher if she hasn’t had breakfast yet. She thinks she’s entitled to it! At one time, there was the issue of the ladies taking turns riding shotgun in the house vehicle. Sheila had to have that seat for the round trip. Never mind sharing!
Why does she have to be so self-centered, I’ve wondered–until I see it in myself. Why didn’t that person wait and let me go first at the four-way stop sign? Why didn’t that guy let me get in the shorter line at the grocery store? As I look at Sheila, I see my own self-centered attitudes. No wonder the Bible tells us to consider others better than ourselves and to put others first. It’s too easy to slip into the “me first” syndrome. Why not the other guy first? What makes me more important than him?
I see I often place more importance on getting things done than on the feelings of the ladies.This leads to heavy-handedness and sometimes pushing them farther than is wise. My insecurities are revealed. Am I here to serve and guide, or demonstrate what a great team member I am by accomplishing something no one else has been able to?
I also realize how impatient I am. I tend to look on the surface and judge by outward appearances rather than stepping back and seeing the ladies’ hearts and what might be behind certain negative behaviors.
Sheila gets overwhelmed in environments where there are lots of people and commotion or high levels of noise. She also gets quite rattled by unexpected changes. Somehow, after months of working with her, I still have not quite, “got it” that what appears to be stubbornness, may, in many cases, be due to fear or high levels of stress.
My ladies show me much about myself and I too often see only the negative stuff; My personality is all about cleaning up and fixing what’s out of order. Through it all, I am reminded that, whether our IQ is 50 or 200, we are all weak, flawed, wounded human beings in need of God’s mercy, grace and love. We do well to follow Christ’s admonition to remove our own logs of fault from our “eyes”, before we can be fit to pluck the speck of sin from another’s eye.
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